The Adventures of Fred
by Orfeo the Spicy Newt of Doom
Summary: This is a parody. PARODYPARODYPARODY! Fred, the Psychotic Pink Fluffy Bunny of Doom, runs away from an undefined place and ends up wreaking havoc in Middle-Earth. If you're looking for coherence, go away.
1. Fred

The Adventures of Fred The Psychotic Pink Fluffy Bunny of Doom

Disclaimer: I own Fred, but not LotR. *sniffle* *gets whacked by Fred* Leave me alone Fred! *sniffle*

A/N: Fred likes me. 

Chapter One: Fred

Once, there was a small irritating boy named Fred. He was small. And irritating. But we have to feel sorry for him, because he belongs to that sad, extraordinarily popular family of the Literary Cliché. His sister's name is Mary Sue, his brother is Gary Stu, his *other* sister is Bad Romance, his *other* brother is Bad Slash- there are lots more, too long to list here. They're all famous and glamorous and loved (hated by some) except for poor Fred. No one has even heard of him.

"I got another package of flowers from a devoted admirer today," he heard his beautifully beautiful perfect sister Mary Sue say in her heavenly perfectly perfect voice.

"Well, at least you don't have girls *throwing* themselves at you all day. It's so…boring," responded his manly man, perfectly perfect brother Gary Stu.

Poor Fred! He wished *he* got flowers and girls throwing themselves at him all day. But he didn't. 

_Poor me! _he thought. _I wish I got flowers and girls throwing themselves at me all day! But I don't. _

Finally, he decided to run away from home.

_I'm going to run away from home, _he finally decided.

Would you stop doing that, Fred?

_Would I stop doing what?_

Thinking in redundancy! 

_Silly author- control is for *good* writers!_

You're not very nice.

_I'm not very nice._

Aaaaaargh!

_Aaaaargh! _

Anyway, Fred ran away from home, carrying only his precious copy of Lord of the Rings- the one book his sisters and brothers didn't star in, or even enter. He didn't think he could live without it.

A/N: Yes, LotR comes in. In the chapter after next. I think. *gets whacked by Fred* He never leaves me alone.


	2. The Psychotic Pink Fluffy Bunny of DOOOM...

Disclaimer: No. Not mine. Tolkien's. And Fred…Fred is Fred's. He lives to torment me. *gets whacked by Fred…again*

A/N: Fred turns into a psychotic pink fluffy bunny of DOOOOM in this chapter. I like doom ^.^ doooooom. Dooooom. Doooo- *gets whacked by Fred* OW! Meanie. *sniffle*

Chapter Two: Fred- The Psychotic Pink Fluffy Bunny of DOOOM!!

Fred walked for a long time, until he reached a large and gloomy forest. He walked more. His legs got tired, so he sat down. He looked to his right and got a really big shock- there was a whole house made out of candy!! 

Just as he was about to run toward it and eat it all, 'cuz he was really hungry, he remembered a story his mother Prose had told him when he couldn't sleep. It was about a poor witch who lived in a gingerbread house, and people kept eating it, so it leaked and she was wet and cold and annoyed. Then these two obnoxious kids came and threw her in an oven, then made up some story about her to their lawyer dad, who sued her estate and got rich from her hard-earned money. It gave him the creeps.

__

Maybe that's her house, he thought, and shuddered. 

He turned around and kept walking, passing some pretty weird characters, including a cross-dressing wolf and a crazy chick in glass shoes running away, from what he couldn't tell. 

Anyway, Fred realized that he hadn't brought any food or water. 

__

I haven't brought any food or water, he realized.

STOP IT! 

__

Stupid author, he grumbled under his breath. 

He's so mean. *sniffle* 

Anyway, Fred kept walking. Soon he saw a pretty, clear stream that babbled along attractively. Fred was thirsty, so he knelt and was about to drink, when suddenly someone pinched his butt.

He leapt up. There was the prettiest girl he'd ever seen, aside from his sister Mary Sue. 

"Hey, tiger," she said. 

"Did you just pinch my butt?"

"Yeah."

"…why?"

"Because you're cute." She giggled annoyingly.

"Umm…how flattering…" he said. No one had ever pinched his butt before. In fact, all eligible girls were usually captivated by Gary Stu, so he hadn't had a girlfriend. Ever.

"So, you want to kiss me?"

He looked her over. She giggled annoyingly again. Fred didn't like annoying gigglers. 

"No."

She looked shocked. "Did you just say…no?"

"Umm…yes..." 

She looked shocked for a second, then turned into a scary witch.

"Aah!" yelled Fred. Then he sighed. His sister Evil Villainess had turned into much scarier things.

"MY NAME IS MARIE SOO! I'M A WITCH! I'M GOING TO TURN YOU INTO A…into a…"

"Marie Soo? Are you related to Mary Sue?"

"NO! I'm prettier than her. THAT'S IT! I'M GOING TO TURN YOU INTO A PINK FLUFFY BUNNY OF DOOOOOM!"

She waved her arms, and suddenly Fred was a lot closer to the ground.

_Great, _he thought. _Now I'm a pink fluffy bunny. Can this get any worse??_

He hopped and hopped, now and then taking a nibble of grass. Suddenly a rabid squirrel popped out of the bushed.

"I'm a squirrel. I'm rabid."

"I'm Fred, the Pink Fluffy Bunny of Doom."

"Nice to meet you! I'm going to bite you now!"

Fred's eyes widened. 

__

I should have known better than to tempt the laws of Narrative Comedy. Of course it can get worse. 

Stupid Fred. Never tease your author.

The squirrel bit Fred. Fred felt like his head was going explode. His eyes turned red.

__

WATCH OUT WORLD! he thought. _HERE COMES FRED THE PSYCHOTIC PINK FLUFFY BUNNY OF DOOOOOOOM!!!!_

A/N: LotR comes next chapter, I promise. Tee hee ^.^ Poor Fred.

Fred: Why did you turn me into a psychotic pink fluffy bunny of doom?

Me: You annoyed me. MWAHAHAHAHAH! 


	3. Door Number One

The Adventures of Fred

Disclaimer: Fred is Fred's, LotR is Tolkien's. And THALIA KISSED ME!!!!!!!!! ^.^

A/N: I update. Is good. Am happy. ^.^

Chapter Three: Door Number One

Fred hopped along, getting used to being a psychotic pink fluffy bunny of doom. It was strange. 

He wished he had his old body back.

__

I wish I had my old body back, he thought. 

Uh, Fred?

__

Yeah?

The *last* time you pissed me off, I turned you into a pink fluffy bunny. Do you *want* to know what I would do if you pissed me off again?

__

Umm…no…

So let me get on with the plot, hmm?  
_Er…okay._

Right. So, Fred hopped along. Hop. Hop. Hop. 

__

You're pushing it…

I have my rights. MWAHAHA! I love being an author.

But anyway. Fred hopped along…until he reached a big, creepy castle. He hopped up to the door and sighed a bunny sigh. Then the door opened with a big creak…

__

Creak…

And a tall lady stepped out. She scooped up Fred and set him on a tall table just as it began to pour buckets outside. 

"You have good timing, little bunny," said the lady. Fred blinked, and the lady saw his red, psychotic looking eyes.

"I see you are no ordinary bunny," she said slowly, backing away a little.

"You're right," said Fred. "I'm not really a bunny. I just got turned into this by a girl named Marie Soo."

"Ah, that bitch. Calls herself the Witch of the Wood…Anyway, I'm the Keeper of the Gates."

"Nice to meet you. Hey, can you do anything about this…um…bunny-ness?"

"Hmm. No, this is beyond my skill to heal. I'll see if anyone beyond the gates has the power."

She picked Fred up and brought him over to a really big room. There were three doors. 

The first was sickly urple. It made Fred nauseous just looking at it. Looking closer, he could see that it read _Hogwarts _in big, disgusting letters.

The second was big and red, and pretty in a sort of twisted, funny-looking way. It was a lot better than the first. _Discworld, _said the inscription.

The third door was a beautiful dark green, and it read in gold letters _MIddle-Earth. _Now Fred was a devotee of Lord of the Rings, and so, as any one of us would (tell the truth, you know you would) he hopped up to the door. 

The door swung open, and Fred was sucked into a whirling tornado of blackness…

A/N: MUHAHAHAHA!


End file.
